Eric Theodore Cartmann
Everyone's favorite lovable and opinionated bastard. Whether he's obsessively deadlocked singing Styx lyrics or plotting to wreak havoc over his current victim, it is nearly impossible to resist his charm.37 qoutes from Eric Theodore Cartmann.
Screw you guys, I'm going home.
S01E01 — Cartman Gets an Anal Probe
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Respect My Authority!
S02E04 — Chickenlover
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Hippies. They’re everywhere. They wanna save Earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.
S04E06 — Cherokee Hair Tampons
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If you want to find some quality friends, you have to wade through all the dicks first.
S14E04 — You Have 0 Friends
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Jeez, you're a little irritable, Kyle. What's the matter, you got some sand in your vagina?
S05E01 — It Hits the Fan
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Hey guys, check out this song I made up, it's called 'I hate you guys.' [singing] I hate you guys! You guys are assholes! Especially Kenny! I hate him the most!
S03E05 — Tweek vs. Craig
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Aw, it smells like Kenny's house in here!
S02E18 — Prehistoric Ice Man
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Oh, really? Gosh, where could I have put Pip's invitation? Oh, yeah, now I remember! I shoved it up my ass! Yeah, I wrote it out, put it in an envelope, sealed it, and, whoop! Shoved it up my ass, forever ruining any chance you had of coming to my birthday party. Sorry, Pip old chap.
S01E08 — Starvin' Marvin
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They're not people! They're hippies!
S09E02 — Die Hippie, Die
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I'm not fat, I just have a sweet hockey body.
S07E10 — Grey Dawn
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You gotta respect my authora-tah!
S01E07 — Pinkeye
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Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
S05E03 — Super Best Friends
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The only way to fight hate is with even more hate!
S09E11 — Ginger Kids
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Speak to me, Helen. Let me be your voice. [nothing happens] Come on, you blind bitch! Channel your spirit through me!
S04E13 — Helen Keller! The Musical
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Kyle: Cartman, what kind of costume is that?
Cartman: It's an Adolf Hitler costume. Sieg heil! Sieg heil!
S01E07 — Pinkeye
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Follow your dreams, you can reach your goals, I'm living proof. Beefcake! Beefcake!
S01E02 — Weight Gain 4000
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I can't lose weight, Butters, because I'm not fat, I'm big-boned. You can't slim down bones, stupid!
S06E01 — Jared Has Aides
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Here's a little dreidel that's small and made of clay. But I'm not going to play with it 'cause dreidel's friggin' gay.
S03E15 — Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics
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The fireman is very magical. If you rub his helmet he spits in your eye.
S02E03 — Ike's Wee Wee
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Hey you guys, you know what they call a Jewish woman's boobs? ... Jewbs!
S10E01 — The Return of Chef
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Hey! If you so much as touch Kitty's ass, I'll put firecrackers in your nut sack and blow your balls all over your pants!
S02E08 — Summer Sucks
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No, dude, independent films are those black-and-white hippie movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.
S02E09 — Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls
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Anything That's Fun Costs At Least Eight Dollars
S09E12 — Trapped in the Closet
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I Would Never Let A Woman Kick My Ass
S01E05 — An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig
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Words Cannot Express How Much I Hate You Guys
S03E14 — The Red Badge of Gayness
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How Do I Reach These Kids?
S12E05 — Eek, A Penis!
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How About We Sing Kyle's Mom's Is A Stupid Bitch In D Minor?
S01E09 — Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
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Selling Out Is Sweet Because, When You Sell Out, You Get To Make A Lot Of Money.
S02E09 — Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls
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I Don't Make The Rules, Ma'am. I Just Think Them Up And Write Them Down.
S15E05 — Crack Baby Athletic Association
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In The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe, A Bunch Of Hippies Walk Around And Paint Stuff.
S02E04 — Chickenlover
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Was It Worth It? Totally...
S07E11 — Casa Bonita
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How come everything today has involved things either coming in or going out of my ass?
S01E01 — Cartman Gets an Anal Probe
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That dog is a gay homosexual.
S01E04 — Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride
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Stan, you need to lay off the cough syrup, all right, seriously. I'm worried about you man.
S01E04 — Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride
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I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried anything, I'd be like, EH. You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie. Eh, woman, you shut your mouth, and make babies.
S01E05 — An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig
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Kenny's family is so poor, they took out a second mortgage on their cardboard box.
S01E07 — Pinkeye
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Well, I've been lickin' this carpet for 3 whole hours and I don't feel like a lesbian.
S01E11 — Tom's Rhinoplasty
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