Your favorite quotes from South Park

You've got to hold the football like you would hold your lover. Gently, yet firmly. You wanna be both nurturing and clinging at the same time. Oh, yes. Just like making sweet love to the football. Be naughty with the football. Mmmm, spank it. Ever so gently. Spank it. Oh, uh, sorry, children.

S01E04 — Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride

Mari-ju-ana's bad, m'kay?

S02E03 — Ike's Wee Wee

[haiku]
Fat ass Cartman was / not on the school bus today / What a big fat turd

S02E11 — Roger Ebert Should Lay off the Fatty Foods

[imitating Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' video clip]
I'm going to make love, even when I'm dead. My body might get cold, but it's always hot in bed! Make love, don't you be afraid! Just because my heart isn't beating, doesn't mean you won't get laid!

S01E07 — Pinkeye