Your favorite quotes from South Park

How come everything today has involved things either coming in or going out of my ass?

S01E01 — Cartman Gets an Anal Probe

You've got to hold the football like you would hold your lover. Gently, yet firmly. You wanna be both nurturing and clinging at the same time. Oh, yes. Just like making sweet love to the football. Be naughty with the football. Mmmm, spank it. Ever so gently. Spank it. Oh, uh, sorry, children.

S01E04 — Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride

Sure, Vietnam was fun, but not going-to-the-circus fun or fly-fishing-in-Montana fun. It was more shoving shards of broken glass up your ass and then sitting in a tub of Tabasco sauce fun.

S02E06 — The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka

Butters: Oh well, when I get a chipotle blue-cheese bacon burger at Bennigan's, I forget all about my dad being queer and my mom is trying to kill me. I'm going to be okay.

Stan: Really?

Butters: No, I'm lying.

S05E14 — Butters' Very Own Episode